Psrhea: Sexual Politics: A Man's View - Honesty, What A Concept

Sexual Politics: A Man's View
by Richard Ehisen

Honesty - What A Concept

Almost two decades have passed since Robin Williams made this comical observation a part of our daily lexicon. Of course I doubt Mork really meant to banish the act of telling the truth to the realm of sarcastic laughter, but when you get right down to it that is precisely where it has come to rest.

The ability to communicate with the spoken word is just one of the things which separates us from the supposedly lower forms of life on our fair planet. It is that same ability, however, which also has brought into question which of us is really the lesser species. To the best of my knowledge animals don't lie to one another. The lion may always being trying to eat the gazelle, but at least he doesn't try to bullshit anyone into thinking he isn't looking for a meal.

Humans, on the other hand, seem to have a selective use of the truth ingrained into our psyches from day one. Not that we always lie, but even when we don't we often manage to avoid telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help us God/Allah/Buddha/David Stern. Although the simple act of being able to tell each other in plain terms what we do and don't want should make the communication process easier, it is that very ability we so often refuse to utilize. Instead we too often choose to go against what we really think and feel to work toward some other, less defined goal. For example, who hasn't had this conversation:

He (entering the room to find his wife/girlfriend sulking/crying/downing sleeping pills with a beer chaser): "Honey, what's the matter?"

She (Looking away/scowling/vomiting): "Nothing!"

Now of course something is wrong here! The question is why the heck can't she just say what is bugging her without playing the "You Have to Guess What's Up" game? Her goal is obviously to get something off her chest, so why not just spit it out and be done with it? You know, just tell her man what's going on and let the games begin. But noooooo! That would be too easy. Much better to make him work a bit first. (Sorry, I'm really not a bitter person. I just play one on TV.)

It seems to me we don't trust ourselves or anyone else with the truth, particularly the opposite sex. I can't say this is all bad either because honesty is a scary thing when you look at what it really means. Giving a straight answer can mean risking loss, or being made to look silly, or worse, revealing something unflattering about ourselves. It could also mean hurting someone else's feelings, which we all know gives our own self esteem a guilt complex. (We can't have that now can we?) Being honest with people would be so much easier if we as a species if both speaker and listener were better equipped emotionally to deal with it, but as Jack Nicholson once so eloquently shouted, "You can't handle the truth!"

Hearing the real dirt about ourselves is never easy. Nobody wants to accept their own faults or deficiencies, and for sure no one wants to hear them spoken out loud. That means we might have to face up to them, and Lord knows most of us would rather have to listen to the accumulated speeches of Al Gore than to face up to our own inadequacies. Much better to go on thinking, "Sure, I still look great in this 1970's disco suit."

Sometimes honesty is not even its own reward. I recently found myself involved in a situation with a woman who is far, far more interested in me than I am in her. She is a very attractive and interesting person, but for a variety of personal reasons (most notably that she is the ex-wife of a good friend and co-worker of mine) I am simply not able to be more to her than a friend. So far I have tried to be completely open and direct about my position, explaining that while I do appreciate her feelings there is no chance whatsoever for anything more than friendship. (No, I did not sleep with her, you gutter mongers!) I was proud of myself in that I did not mislead her in any way, and that it seemed to get my point across just fine. Or so I thought.

After she assured me she understood where I was coming from I stupidly continued to act as if all was well with the world. I kept socializing in the same circles, etc., and presumed this was not a problem. Wrong, bucko.
Soon enough my phone recorder was being filled with her messages, followed by a letter expressing her deeeeeep feelings for me. She even used "the L-word" several times! Egads! I have entered the Twilight Zone portion of our program, the one where I have to screen all my phone calls and have a ready cache of "gotta go" excuses at hand in case I forget and pick up the phone to find her on the other end.

Eventually she will get the hint and decide to move on. (I hope) The irony, however, is too thick to miss. In the beginning I was completely honest with her, both because that is the way I like to be and also because I felt it was the most considerate of her feelings. But now I am forced to either cling to the truth - the really, really cruelly blunt truth - or to lie and hope she gets the clue on her own. Now if I had lied to her in the first place, told her I already had this amazing girlfriend out there somewhere, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. Actually, I could have even thrown in some really cool sex stories, but that's another topic altogether.

The bottom line is that we humans lie to each other on a regular basis. It has become as much a part of our existence as breathing. We lie to get what we want, we lie to avoid what we don't want, and we rationalize all of it so we don't go insane. In short, human beings, with the unique capability of being able to process great amounts of sensory information, to form complex ideas from the rawest of materials, to see beyond the surface of any situation and to adjust our actions to the highest calling, to seek truth in every aspect of our life....will more often than not use that ability to figure out the best way to avoid the truth for as long as we possibly can. And that's the honest facts, so help me David Stern.

Rich "The Snake" Ehisen (Not my real name)

Rich Ehisen is the creator and editor of his own monthly periodical, The Norcal Sports Report, as well as the co-host of The Sport Authority, a radio and television sports talk show on KCBL FM 88.7 and KCBL Public Access Television Channels 17 & 18 in Sacramento, CA. Having been involved in organized sports since the age of nine, he is still looking for his first ever sports trophy. Until then he'll have to settle for buying them and faking it.