Psrhea Magazine : Kobe's Big Adventure

Sexual Politics: A Man's View
by Rich Ehisen

Kobe's Big Adventure

Few things in recent memory have so clearly inspired the regressive among us penis-carriers to display their ass quite the way this whole Kobe “It Was Consensual” Bryant case has. Virtually from the moment the story broke the radio and TV talk shows have been filled with analysis, opinions and analysis of opinions, none of which of course matters one whit to the eventual outcome of the case. But while I understand the whole media blitz thing (I am, after all, a member of the fourth estate), I never ceased to be amazed - and amused - at the knee-jerk reaction that comes from some sports fans when one of their heroes is accused of doing anything wrong.

Within what seemed like minutes of the story hitting the airwaves, legions of people, mostly young devotees of the Kobe mystique, began pummeling us with their assertions that Kobe is innocent…that he was set up…that the bitch (accuser) is nothing but a skanky ho who’s only after Kobe’s mad jack…and that anybody who can ball that good could never ball someone against their will! The source of their faith appears to be based not in any clear understanding of the law, or – heaven forbid – that they were actually there, but rather in that Bryant is a spectacularly gifted athlete and that he is a “good guy.” (Hey, he endorses McDonalds, so he must be cool, right?) The only thing these folks haven’t done is to line the sidewalks and cheer Kobe as his car motors down LA streets, although I suppose if he had white Bronco we might have had a shot. Actually, Bryant’s appearance in a Colorado courtroom a few weeks ago did draw a large crowd of enthusiastic, hootin’, hollerin’ Lakers jersey-wearing fans who waved pro-Kobe signs and screamed like your grandmother at an Elvis concert when they got a glimpse of the King, err, Kobe as he was whisked from the car into the building.

I don’t often blather on about it here, but I spent two years covering athletes as the owner of my own sports publication, The NorCal Sports Report. During that time I covered the NFL, NBA, MLB and colleges, and I will gladly share a few things you hero-worshippers should know about the guys who play the games.

One, athletes are as human as you or I; a number of them are just less well behaved. Putting on a uniform does not preclude a human being from doing human things. (Actually, those hideously ugly white jobbies the Lakers broke out this year could drive a young man to avoid other humans…or at least they should have.) Bottom line is that most athletes are as fully capable of committing crimes as they are of performing the occasional random act of kindness – even if the guy in question has a great jump shot and can drive past your sorry ass team’s pathetic excuse for a two guard at will.

Two – and this will be hard for some of you to hear, but I’m saying it for your own good - the vast, vast, VAST majority of athletes do not give a rat’s ass about their fans! Period! The only thing they want from you is that you keep buying their jerseys, their shitty rap records and whatever else makes them money. The vast majority of athletes care about only three things in the whole world – their mouth, their crotch and their wallet. If you are not about to favorably affect one or all three of these things, the athlete does not want to hear from you. Get it? You can brand Kobe’s name on your hairy dimpled ass, or tattoo his likeness across your surgically altered bosoms, or rant and rave either through a letter to the editor or on a sports radio call-in program about how Kobe is the most recent and authentic sign of the upcoming apocalypse - and he will still not care about you (and neither will that sports page editor or that sports radio talk show host). Whether you go to the ballpark and cheer them and tell them they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, or scream obscenities at them and tell them what you want to do to their mothers, one of the things that makes these Type-A personalities the world-class performers that they are is their ability to tune out everyone and everything around them. Please remember this. The days of depth of action by athletes left with Muhammad Ali.

Kobe is certainly not the first – nor will he be the last – celebrity athlete to get himself in hot water, particularly over a dalliance with a member of the opposite sex. And for the record, I don’t want to make light of what is a very serious matter, one that could have extreme consequences for Bryant if he is found to be guilty of sexually assaulting his accuser. But right here and right now I do want to make fun of all of the monosyllabic goofs out there who made up their minds about this whole sorry mess based solely on their “fandom.” Maybe Kobe is innocent, maybe he is guilty. By his own admission we know he did have sex with this woman, but that’s about all we know for sure. (Well, that and he dropped $4 million on the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card he gave Vanessa as a suck up for unleashing Mr. Happy on another woman.) Spouting off like a less articulate version of Don King makes you sound like a…well, damn, I can’t think of anything worse than that. So stop it.

On another serious note, the really disturbing part of all this has been the wave of misogynistic hatred that the pro-Kobe crew has been spewing out to anyone willing to listen. Radio shows fill hour upon hour of invective, while “Free Kobe” web sites spring up on the Internet. A lot of NBA-types have even gone on air and spoken of Kobe as the victim here. Huh? While in the end their assertion that this young lady is not telling the truth might prove out – again, I don’t know what happened in that room, and neither do you – it is sad that so many people, male and female, fell immediately into the aura of celebrity athlete dementia without so much as a nod toward rational thought. And yes, it is equally sad and disturbing that the other side of the coin, the “Kobe did it” gang, immediately presumes his guilt, again without knowing all the facts. Both sides want to make this open and shut, guilty or innocent based more on social status and gender than on evidence.

Part of being an adult means not surrendering your own common sense in deference to what anyone else tells you. Just because marketing companies, PR firms or even cynical and jaded journalists like me tell you that someone is a certain way, that doesn’t make it so. Believe whatever you want to believe. There are only two people alive who know exactly what happened in that Colorado hotel room, and you and I are not one of them. That is why we have a court system to help figure it all out. So if you want to support Kobe, by all means do so. If you want to keep rooting for the likes of Barry Bonds or Jeremy Shockey in spite of their obvious faults as human beings, then keep on keeping on, Bubba. Likewise if you want to believe that Kobe is guilty based solely on your own feelings about gender or – worse yet – race, then go for it. You have that right. But in the meantime, unless you suddenly become a truer version of Miss Cleo, do us all a favor and resist that urge to dial your local sports talk show.

Rich Ehisen is the creator and editor of his own monthly periodical, The NorCal Sports Report. Having been involved in organized sports since the age of nine, he is still looking for his first ever sports trophy. Until then he’ll have to settle for buying them and faking it..