The Ice Cube No Vaseline
Award
by LeDarius
Washington
I’M
BAAAAACK!!! Haven’t heard from me for a while. I haven’t been inspired to
bestow this award on anybody in quite some time. Actually, there have been a
number of deserving individuals, but none whom have stood out above the rest.
There are any number of people whom I could give this award to now, but this
month’s recipient is especially worthy.
The winner of the Ice Cube No-Vaseline Award for August
2003:
My
father believed that white women were, as he put it, “the worst of the
species.” He used to tell me, “Boy, you better not ever bring no white woman
into my house.” I never did, but not because he told me not to. I just don’t
believe in that notion that the races should not intermix. For whatever reason
my father had his own issues with white women, yet he still raised me and my
brothers and sisters around them. So despite what he said I just didn’t see
anything wrong with white women. Hell, I’ve even dated a few. That said, if
there ever was a classic example of the “White She-Devil” my father used to
warn me about, Ann Coulter is clearly it.
Call
it stereotyping if you want, but this woman is a walking cliché. Tall, thin,
long blonde hair, grew up in an antiseptic upper-middle-class suburbia in
Connecticut (read: no blacks anywhere), went to Cornell (read: even fewer
blacks), elitist and uncompassionate as hell. A lawyer by trade, it should come
as no surprise that Ann Coulter is an ultra-conservative syndicate columnist and
a regular panelist on television shows such as Politically Incorrect, Larry
King Live, The O’Reilly Factor, Crossfire, This Week, and Good Morning
America. She has written three books, about the supposed “crimes” of the
Clinton presidency, and her take on democratic and liberal “lies”.
It’s
one thing to be convinced of your own position; it’s another entirely to be in
love with the sound of your own voice; and an entirely other thing when
everybody who doesn’t agree with your position is deemed “treasonous” –
and she means it. If it were up to Coulter, there would be no independent
thought even allowed. I don’t have a problem with her being an
ultra-conservative. I don’t have a problem with excusing anybody else’s
position to the exclusive inclusion of only your own. But when you tag everybody
else with a “treason” tag is when I have a very huge problem. In Coulter’s
mind, every democrat, every liberal – hell, everybody who dares to even think
differently than she does, let alone disagree with her entirely – is
committing treason. This is not just rhetoric or humorous parody from a
journalist or any other public figure; this is a clear accusation by a member of
the bar who knows that the term “treason” is an all too real legal term. By
calling people traitors, whether intended or not, Coulter is charging someone
with a Class A felony that is a capital offense. And that she doesn’t ever
back down from that charge implies that those she deems treasonous she clearly
believes should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
First
Coulter called former president Clinton and his wife Hilary traitors. Then she
practically calls every democrat since World War II traitors. Now anybody who
has the unmitigated gall to question the current administration and its policies
-- especially as it pertains to national security, the war on terrorism, the war
with Iraq, Afghanistan, the Palestinians, Israel and the Middle East – is
committing treason according to Coulter. For somebody who prides herself on
being as smart as she thinks she is, she sure is stupid. If she wasn’t, then
she would remember that the Constitution doesn’t just say it is my right as a
citizen to question my leaders, it is my duty, my responsibility. It is part of
taking part in the democratic process. In Coulter’s world, you either support
this president during this time of national crisis unconditionally, like a true
patriot should, or you are committing treason. Got news for you, Ann: That
isn’t Patriotism – that’s Nationalism. Which basically puts you in
lockstep with the Nazis. Need proof? Look it up (Kind of begs the question,
though: If this national security crisis had happened during the Clinton
administration, would Coulter have suppressed her venom and unconditionally
supported Clinton?).
Coulter’s
newest kick? The liberal misrepresentation of McCarthyism. According to Coulter,
Senator Joe McCarthy “was tilting at an authentic communist conspiracy” (her
words). While nobody will argue that there weren’t any communist infiltrators
within the government, Coulter’s position is that McCarthy’s use of
broad-brush strokes to paint anybody as a communist was justified because it
legitimately caught a small number. The vast number who weren’t communists or
spies got caught in this wide net laid out by McCarthy and were blacklisted and
blackballed, their lives destroyed. But hey, McCarthy caught a few commies, so
to hell with the fallout, huh, Ann? The countless victims of McCarthy and the
House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) before him were just unfortunate
collateral damage, is that it, Ann? That should really be comforting to Sam
Wanamaker and Lionel Stander, just to name two.
Of
course, Coulter would just excuse this criticism of her as just another liberal
lie from the liberal media. Will somebody please explain to me why it is that
the vast majority of the people who complain about the media being liberal are
those who are in the media? Lets put two and two together, Ann: You’ve written
three books and you write a syndicated newspaper column, so guess what that
makes you a member of? THE MEDIA. Hate to disappoint you, Ann, but the author of
this diatribe is a card-carrying Republican, so believe it or not there are
those in the party you consider righteous that don’t like you. Also, I’ve
read Marx, Lenin, and even Mao’s Little Red Book, so you tell me if I fall
under the category of “treasonous” (I’ve also read Mein Kampf, so
believe me when I tell you that Hitler would recognize a kindred spirit in you,
Ann)?
Coulter famously accuses anybody who disagrees with
her of name-calling. Yet she does the same thing by inference. “Liberals
denounced McCarthy because they were afraid of getting caught” (her words). So
using her logic, all liberals are communists and traitors? Look, you can call me
any number of things: Call me an ass-hole, call me a cocksucker, call me a punk
or a bitch, call me an idiot or call me stupid, call me a whore or a pimp –
hell, you can even get racial and call me a nigger or a jungle bunny. I won’t
like it and I won’t like you, but I can take it and I can excuse you as
somebody who doesn’t like me for whatever reason, and have nothing to do with
you. But when you, as a member of the bar, look at me with a straight face and
accuse me of treason, you are accusing me of a heinous crime, you are saying
that I should be treated like all other traitors have been treated in the past,
prosecuted and put in jail – or worse, executed. That I take extraordinarily
personally.
What
makes Ann Coulter the lick that killed Saint Nick and the White She-Devil my
father warned me about is that, her true and inner ugliness notwithstanding, she
is physically – and physically only – a very beautiful woman. Lets not kid
ourselves here; if you never knew who she was and caught a glimpse of her for
the first time walking down the street, the first thing that would pop into your
mind is “Man, I’d like to fuck her.” It is this combination of exterior
stunning attractiveness coupled with her inner repulsiveness and wickedness that
makes Ann Coulter a truly scary and dangerous person. For that, I don’t wish
the same fate that she would wish on me or anybody else who doesn’t share her
views. No, my wish is that Vern Schillinger somehow finds her and has fun.
Copyright 2003 Accurate Letters Enterprises/Psrhea Magazine