Questions to ask when you find out that a friend or relative is a heterosexual:

1.	What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2.	When and how did you first decide that you were heterosexual?

3.	Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you might grow out of?

4.	If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

5.	To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

6.	Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce other into their lifestyle?

7.	Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality?

8.	Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems that s/he'd face?

9.	A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexuals.
	Do you feel safe exposing your child to heterosexual teachers?

10.	The divorce rate is climbing. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

11.	Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex (and sports)?

12.	Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

13.	Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? 
	Don't you fear s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own beliefs?

14.	How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality and fail to develop
	your natural, healthy homosexual potential?

15. 	There seem to be very few heterosexuals.
	Techniques have been developed which might enable you to chance if you really want to. 
	Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

Linda Birner is the publisher and editor of MGW, Sacramento's first gay and lesbian newspaper, and a frequent obscene phone-caller and stalker of Ralph Reed and Newt Gingrich. You can E-Mail her at mgwnews@mother.com.

Copyright 1996 Accurate Letters Enterprises/Psrhea Magazine