UNBORN CHICKEN MILITIA STRIKES
by Fire Ant Collective
EDITOR'S NOTE: This article was posted by Tim Sutter (tsutter@erols.com) in the newsgroup "alt.surrealism". Mr. Sutter reprinted this from a posting elsewhere by a netsurfer with the nom de guerre "Fire Ant Collective". We were not able to discern who this anonymous person is or what his/her E-Mail address is, but we do want to give credit where credit is due. Thanks for the use of this article, Mr. Sutter and whoever you may be.
AP OCT 1996: A masked militia leader calling himself 'Sub-Commandante Foghorn Leghorn' held a press conference Thursday afternoon after a series of violent demonstrations disrupted daily dairy shopping at several area supermarkets. Representing a group called 'CORECT' or Concerned Organization of the Righteous Embryos of Christian Tolerance, Mr Leghorn briefed reporters on his vision of a society safe for embryos of all species, and answered questions for half an hour, before being led away by police.
Militant CORECT demonstrators were seen at a nearby Lucky's supermarket this morning waving anti-egg signs, haranguing egg shoppers, and waving grizzly placards depicting broken eggs, boiled, fried, and scrambled egg's, as well as the infamous and bloody 'partial birth egg's, with a recognizable streak of bloody fetus meat inside.
"Every day billions of unborn chickens are ruthlessly slaughtered and even devoured by ignorant, satanic American citizens. It is time our government put a stop to this genocide." Calling for a Constitutional amendment against the premature slaughter of unborn chicken embryos, mr Leghorn became irate when a reporter from the San Jose daily news questioned him about links between Egg production and CIA Contra "Black Ops' during the 80's.
"The millions of American children who have become addicted to high cholesterol egg products are being recruited into the Army of Satan. But Satan does not need the CIA to do it's dirty work." Nevertheless allegations have surfaced linking CORECT to clandestine egg and narcotics smuggling rings throughout the Southern California region, funded by a shadowy network of Indonesian and Red Chinese financiers, as well as corrupt Arkansas poultry giant, Tyson foods.
Undaunted by media speculation of conspiracy and racketeering links, CORECT demonstrators staged an even larger demonstration later in
the afternoon at a nearby Safeway. Several scuffles broke out between
CORECT demonstrators and shoppers. "What the f**k is wrong with these
stupid a****les, I want to bake a cake!" said one disgruntled shopper.
Store managers were equally confused 'These are sterile eggs, none of
these eggs could ever grow up to be chickens. These people are insane'
opined one bewildered Safeway employee. He was overheard by a nearby
CORECT militant however, who stuck a large photograph of a bloody,
'partial birth egg' in his face, crying "what about this!? Huh? What
about this!!!" and then struck him in the side of the head several times
with brass knuckles, rendering him unconscious. After several CORECT
demonstrators handcuffed themselves to the dairy case, other CORECT
protestors made a vain attempt to free the eggs, rolling several dozen out
of the front door of the Safeway, where they promptly fell off the curb
and broke. Clearly shaken, but with determination in his eyes, Sub
Commandante Leghorn cried
"Fear not little yellow brothers, for we have not yet begun to
fight!!"
Dateline San Francisco, Oct 24 1996. Drifter "Bob" reporting for AP (Ant Press) news!"
Copyright 1996 Accurate Letters Enterprises/Psrhea Magazine